The past is never really in the past: gentle inner child healing

Hot take: the past is never really in the past.

We carry with us every version of ourselves we've ever been. Every age, every attachment wound, every victory, every loss, every love, every insecurity. That's what inner child healing is really about: meeting those younger versions of you with care instead of criticism.

No matter how much healing we do (and we do a lot), moments from the past pop up asking for our attention.

When you suddenly feel thirteen again

An unhealed wound.

A memory you haven't thought about in fifteen years.

The grace that always shows up at just the right moment.

Or that thing your mom said to you when you were thirteen.

In those moments, we're suddenly so vulnerable and raw, feeling the exact age we were when it first happened.

When a moment like that comes, try not to problem-solve it away.

A simple inner child exercise you can do anywhere

Pause. Breathe. Put your hand on your chest.

How does your body feel right now?

How old do you feel in this moment?

What did you need back then that you could give yourself now?

Then tend to yourself gently, with curiosity and self-compassion.

If you'd like to go a little further, write for ten minutes. Not in a pretty notebook you'll feel guilty about by week two. Just three prompts: What you want. What you're done with. Who you are when nobody in the house is asking anything of you. It's the same work I do in session, except you can do it at 11 p.m. when the house finally goes quiet and everything you swallowed that day comes up at once.

You don't need a quiet room or a special notebook for the hand-on-chest part. It works in the car, at the kitchen counter, in the bathroom at work with the door locked. Ninety seconds is enough to start.

My little girl

Since I was a little girl, I struggled with my identity. The voices in my head told me I "wasn't enough," or that I was "too much." So I worked harder, and got good at masking how hard things really were.

There was a point, years later, where I didn't know what I did for fun. I didn't know what I valued, outside of what I valued for my kids. I didn't feel like I had a purpose other than being their mom.

Then I stopped asking, "How do I become enough?" and started asking, "Who am I underneath all of it?"

That's been the long, uncomfortable work of figuring out who I actually am underneath all the roles. Today I look at myself in the mirror with compassion, and I keep choosing growth and healing. A lot of that started with being kinder to the girl who thought she had to earn her place.

What your younger self might need from you

Some things in life aren't about finding the "right" answer. They're about understanding what you actually need in the season you're in.

Self-awareness, self-trust, acceptance, self-forgiveness… these are often the foundations that make everything else possible.

Sometimes growth means moving forward. Other times, it means giving yourself permission to simply be where you are.

Not every season is a growing season, either. Some you plant in, some you harvest, and some you're just getting through. Winter in a sundress is still winter. So it's worth asking: what is this season asking of you?

You're not starting from scratch

If you're doing this work in midlife, or after a big ending, it can feel like you're behind. You're not. We aren't starting from scratch. We are starting from experience.

The girl who got called too sensitive, the teenager who learned to keep the peace, the woman who held it all together: they're all still in there, and they all have something to say.

So if you're lucky enough to have an opportunity to talk to a younger version of yourself who needs your wisdom, take it.

She has been waiting a long time to hear it.

Doing this work with support

Inner child work can stir up more than you expect, and that's okay. Doing it with someone who goes to the body first, and who won't rush you, makes it feel a lot less lonely.

I offer online therapy across Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia, in English and French. Read more about how I work or meet me here.

Self-awareness, self-trust, acceptance or self-forgiveness: which one would you choose for yourself this week?

If any of this sounds like you, book a Java Chat with me: fifteen free minutes, bring your coffee.

Frequently asked questions

What is inner child healing?

It's a way of caring for the younger versions of yourself that still show up in how you react today, especially when an old memory suddenly makes you feel small, scared or not enough.

How do I start inner child work on my own?

Start small: when an old feeling shows up, pause, put a hand on your chest, and ask how your body feels, how old you feel, and what you needed back then. Then offer yourself some of that now.

Can inner child work be done in online therapy?

Yes. Many people find it easier from their own space. In my sessions we pace it gently and pay attention to what your body is telling you along the way.

If this is you, book a Java Chat, bring your coffee.